Ford1114

Hey people and users, whatever you are, I have something to announce.

I just make a new account in deciding to start fresh. With two more months of 2015, alongside we're in half of this decade, I honestly feel of wanting to have another clean slate.

My old account remains since I'm leaving the old stuff to keep as collections. 

If any of you want to follow my new home, here is the link.

re-aford11.deviantart.com

Hey people, sorry about the hiatus due to school (In what presume to be my last year of college, we’ll see) and other things. By this point, I feel I liked to share a few reunions with old high school acquaintances, because it was the biggest transition to the many roads of adulthood since graduation (2016 will be 5 years since that high school event). Though my college years are life-changing, high school is still crucial due to these imprinted memories that affect my long-term choices. Back then, I was also a transfer since 10th grade for those naive experiences. Looking back, I remember some of these people shaped my well-being for better or worse.

I should have posted this sooner, but circumstances blocks the way until today that I have time.

Although I did reconnect with some old classmates/friends with different lives, I decide to get the most complicated and detailed part out of my chest. Something I should have let out for a long time. Something that was a mixed and injurious experience that I honestly feel it’s the main point of this topic, my high school’s Anime Club.

…Wow, it felt so difficult of forcing me to remember the ostracism and looked down by the club since these people/officers took charge of the club knew each other for a while and less receptive to newcomers, especially transfers. I remember back then I honestly use to be less social and acted so immature over my age in getting attention, looking back makes me embarrassed to the point that being shunned as a teenager is akin to bullying, only worse. Even though I did explain who I was, the club could care less about getting to know me more, but rather themselves as elitists.

The most severe out of all the club members is one of the main officers who is Korean. He’s the person I recall that fully respects the upperclassmen and liking his own interests, but shows a ‘With Friends Like These’ love-hate relationship to people in his same grade (and same level as me) and below. They only stay by his side due to knowing him longer than me and just because… (same goes for why they ‘like’ me to be around and not because they want to get acquainted with me. Honestly, the reason why I wanted to bond with the club such much is because my old location before transferring lacks a lot of the anime community to spend time with besides online. That’s why I lack part of the social life that I try to receive.)

To be fair though, there are a few members I knew that are genuinely nice, especially some that are upper-classmen. I did remember the humorous moments in the club that gave good laughs. Sadly, these people left by the time I’m close to senior year, to which the main Korean anime officer took full control. I remember one of them mentioned that during his last months, the anime club began to ‘lose its allure’. Upon understanding this, I remembered the last day of club of my junior year after showing an anime prove that there is no 'amicable' goodbye to all of us. I had a heated argument with that Korean officer online afterwards, who turns out that he still barely knew me and didn’t acknowledge my contributions.

I already left (and it's been 5 years since that day), never mentioned the other members of why I wasn’t around, because I’m not yet ready to face that fallout. This IS high school drama. I can understand why college anime clubs are receptive compare to high school’s for specific reasons, which is where I am currently and is fond of the experience.

Here’s something I’m finally letting this out for my DA revelations, I should have mention this earlier. Besides being inspired by some old users I know for a while, these mixed HS anime club experiences are my more prominent reasons why I created the FF Meisters and Cross Gen groups so I want to make a change in having my own leadership. For those people that don’t know, it is these two groups I made to talk about ongoing popular culture and bring in our fandom, the former is defunct while the latter (created last year) is current and much better receive for my current self.

Looking back, there is neither good nor bad about my former anime club’s time, especially the Korean officer, only shades of gray to thank in wanting myself to become more stronger. Even if I was once thought of becoming a good artist before changing majors to something else during my college years doesn’t matter for the future (since the real world is tough anyway).

Granted the first days of the FF Meisters group are idealistically okay and trying to have my reasons. Since the 2000s have passed, which in hindsight for my past experiences as somewhat the ‘decay creativity’ despite some good stuff happening, the 2010s onward and since 2011 felt like a clean slate for my growth alongside more balance of being social and responsibility. It was generally trying to make ourselves noticeable and getting the respect from the higher-ups to one day interact further (one example is Nick Ian, a great artist which I nowadays keep in touch on email). These times are also letting out our true personalities to express and have the opportunities we never had the chance to do unlike in the past, we just don’t want to be amateurs any longer.

However, there are still some private issues going on and of course my paranoia and arrogant (yes, though I was nice, I was once more like that since the past..) personality becomes likened to that Korean of attempting to remain top position. Maybe I wanted to forget the HS past, but didn’t keep and embrace it to learn my past mistakes for these recent incidents. I felt I wanted to take a long pause.

After months of rethinking and confuse of where can I go, I decide to swallow my doubts and face my original fears. That’s why I write this journal. I feel that time comes of wanting to share a new perspective to my HS anime club, years have pass since then.

First, I have re-connections with some of the former members online in the same grade level that I can't believe to see them wanting to talk to me after a long time. I'm so glad that they change for the better from their teenage selves to understand their current lives. The same goes to some of the generous upper-classmen who have already graduated from college. Though it’s unknown if I can ever connect too many others…

That leaves me to deal with the Korean anime officer. Finally stand up to myself, I give him a big lecture online to prove that we all change from our high school lives and wonder if his treatment to me affects it. However, not only does he ignore me, but also still shown to remain cantankerous in not listening to my reasons and other private issues that I don’t want to express here that irked me. In short, that person hasn't change quite a bit. 
   
….all this time. It has become clear that without the Korean’s influence around alongside other factors, most of us became independent of finding out ourselves as people and not admiring these specifics. I feel that I find peace from that certain event to the point it felt bittersweet.

What do you all think of these overall? Do you feel some understanding, is it unclear, or is it just irrelevant ‘info dump’ that feels like a waste of time?

I just recently heard the news from the internet and my family that bombs occurred in Bangkok. Terrorists appear that it's just so wrong due to how corrupt the Thai government is. And remind myself of the Boston Marathon that I can't express...

I really just hope my family and the rest of the folks in Thailand are staying safe. 

Aw man, I nearly forgot to write something that remains in my head until now, especially my last year of an undergrad approaches. So anyone remember Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children? Well this year is the movie’s 10th anniversary, and I’ve already rewatch the Complete version to prove my point.

Seeing that this year is Deviantart’s 15^th anniversary, I look back to remind why Advent Children changes everything alongside many other things back in 2005. First, it brought the general and casual audience to get into Final Fantasy to enjoy the characters and action scenes (despite there’s a lockout that some fans need to know the original game before watching this movie). Second, there’s the change of art styles going from anime old school from the original game to realism (though Final Fantasy 8 did it first, it is the first to expand more than video games).

Aside from the mixed fanbase, you can see how Advent Children is a reminder of Cloud handling depression and guilt issues, just like me and the rest do throughout the years. The one thing I recall that I used to be antisocial in the past… Looking back is just sadden that honestly makes me cry. 

Since I once played the first game, I remember watching Advent Children many times during my middle and early high school years in enjoying it. This really does inspired many fans. This year, with the remake of FF7 announced alongside Final Fantasy XV finally gets a release date next year, its no wonder why Square Enix is getting back to their game.

I feel time has pass to 2015 to show we’re in half of the decade (with sadly of many famous people passed away), and a coincidence of how back in 2005 was half of the 2000s in giving the birth of Youtube, Deviantart’s 5^th anniversary, the release of Kingdom Hearts 2 (which brought an expanded storyline and new themes, believe me, I was that enthusiastic fan that kept an eye on every news including new Organization XIII members), and its the year when Avatar: The Last Airbender was released (I rewatched it as well and enjoyed the awesomeness). 

I remember…! That since I nearly forgot the past experiences, I have to do what’s best to make something up. 

When I remember playing Pokemon Gold/Silver as a kid, it was memorable. Seeing how one of the most well known Nintendo figures pass away is saddening. Due to so much news about it that I have to do the same thing. I can further understand why this year is rock bottom..